yeah, we were kids, so what? and we probably fell way too hard for each other, way too fast…but that’s the best way to do it. We were passion and arguments, frustration and fire—but baby, the head first, total submersion plummet that we took…well, it forged a deep connection between us. We’ve both moved on, dated other people. But I still think of you at least once a day, and when I’m in bed at night… sometimes in those slow, hazy moments before dropping off to sleep, I wish you were there to hold me. If anyone asked me—even if you asked me—I’d deny it of course. I’d lie:
No…I never think of you; no, I don’t wonder what might of been; no, I don’t wish we were still best friends; and no, I don’t wonder if you think of me too…if I ever cross your mind.
But just know—even though I’d never admit it out loud—I still love you, even after all this time…and part of me always will. I’m sorry I couldn’t love you the way you wanted me to. If we ever got back together, it probably wouldn’t work, especially not now: we’re both much more stubborn now, things are too different…it’s not the same anymore, we’ve both been shaped differently by life. If I ever get proposed to, your face will pop into my head, the same with my wedding, my wedding night…but your face will be nothing but a bittersweet memory, a young girl’s yearning for the boy who was there when she just started to find herself.
I’m no longer that young girl, but just know that I’ll always be here for you: as a friend, as a shoulder to cry on. I’ve stayed strong through the years, never completely giving myself over to any of the men in my life…that was a lesson I learned in my childhood…but if I ever let you know how much power you really held over me (something that’s grown over the years), you’d be the one to completely, utterly, and devastatingly break me.